" . . . and now, feared hockey goon . . . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Monologue Joke: "Barack Obama met with John McCain. Obama said, 'I'm catching up to you. I just got my second home."

Great Moments in Presidential Speeches:
Bush: "Why should I care about Africa? What good does it do me?"

ACT 2:
It's Tribute Band Week here at the Late Show.
Monday: Purple Reign (Prince)
Tuesday: The Cold Hard Cash Show (Johnny Cash)
Wednesday: Mr. Brownstone (Guns N' Roses)
Thursday: Super Diamond (Neil Diamond)
Friday: The AllStarz (James Brown)

Dave has a weekend story. The woman he lives with, the mother of his son, came down with laryngitis on Thursday and wouldn't be able to speak the whole weekend. A grin comes to his face. The thought of a quiet weekend appealed to him. Dave says, "Unfortunately, she tried to tough it out. It was 3 days of . . . . . ." Dave then whispers. He whispers some stuff he heard over the weekend, like, "We've run out of toast." What was slightly irritating early in the weekend became more so by the time college football on the TV changed over to NFL football. A phone call was made to the doctor who advised that the worst thing you can do when you have laryngitis is to whisper. After Dave voices his anguish, he admits to hoping the cable will out back at home later tonight.

A MESSAGE FROM BARACK OBAMA
Barack: "I have said repeatedly that I intend to / spend / the next four years / watching / wrestling."

TOP TEN: Good Things About Being Named James Bond - we found a guy named James Bond who works as a substitute school teacher here in New York. His name: Bond, James Bond. And he is here tonight to tell us some good things about being named James Bond. 7. "At the movie theater, I get a free squirt of chemical butter." 4. "When my brother says, 'Bond, Fred Bond,' he just sounds like a jerk."

ACT 3:
MICHELLE FELICETTA
She went out for a jog the other day in Arizona and was attacked by a red fox. The rabid fox bit Michelle and wouldn't let go. Michelle, all alone and a mile away from her car, was in a quandary. What to do? First, the story.
Michelle went out for her customary jog.
About a mile in, she came face to face with a red fox. Michelle is used to seeing wildlife on her jogs, but this fox was acting peculiar.
The fox stopped in front of her. Michelle stopped. The fox made eye contact. This was all very odd. Michelle began to slowly back away but the fox attacked. The fox lunged and latched on to her big toe.
The fox gnawed at the toe. Michelle didn't feel much pain as she was in shock with what was happening.
Michelle shook the fox loose, but the fox re-attacked and chomped down on her knee. Michelle knew the crazy fox must be rabid. Its violent behavior was not the behavior of a sane fox.
Michelle grabbed the fox by the neck. The fox thrashed and kicked and wiggled mightily. The fox let go and bit Michelle on the arm. The bite was deep.
Michelle tried to free herself from the fox but the bite was too deep. She thought of yanking the fox off but was afraid that would only cause more harm to her arm. Michelle decided to finish her jog.
Well, not really. She decided to run back to her car and get herself to a hospital. The car was a mile away. She ran the whole way with the fox attached to her arm. Naturally, the return jog was all uphill.
Once back to her car, she and the fox were both exhausted. She was able to wrap the fox in her sweater. The fox released its bite. Michelle threw the fox into the trunk and drove herself to the hospital.

Thanks to CBS News, we show an animated recreation of what went down on her jog in Arizona. It was as if we were there.

Michelle got herself to the medical center in Prescott, Arizona and got herself to the emergency room.
The fox was dead, right? No, it wasn't. Michelle and an animal control person went to the car. Michelle opened the trunk just a bit and the fox bolted at the slight opening. The trunk was quickly slammed shut. The animal control person then got her "lasso on a stick" thingamajig to collar the rabid critter. Unfortunately, the fox slipped the noose and bit the animal control person on the elbow. Both Michelle and the animal control person are currently receiving shots to battle the rabies.
And that's Michelle Felicetta's story.

And that's why I don't jog.

ACT 4:
EMMA THOMPSON
The two-time Academy Award winner enters with a red fox attacking her neck. Cute. But then Emma takes it a step further by falling to the floor and continually fighting the fox. Eventually she is able to rid herself of the critter. And it's that extra step, that extra bit of effort, that makes Emma the Academy Award actress that she is. Nice going, Ms. Thompson. Back on January 24, 2006, Show # 2500, Emma enthusiastically engaged in some Late Show pie-throwing hijinks with Alan Kalter, Paul Shaffer, and Tony Mendez. Check the Wahoo Archives to relive the moment.
Has Emma ever been attacked by a fox like Michelle was? Before tonight, naturally. Emma says she never was but went through a traumatic experience when her 3-year-old daughter had the very tip of her finger bitten off by a tortoise. They were vacationing in the Seychelle Islands where tortoises have the right-of-way. Emma's little girl got too close when feeding and the tortoise showed ill manners with its chomp. Emma remained calm for the benefit of her daughter, but Emma admits to being hysterical and frantic on the inside. A half-hour later her daughter was fine and out and about. Meanwhile, Emma needed some morphine.
Emma grew up in England but her mother is Scottish and the family has owned a home and property in Scotland for years. Emmy spends part of the year there. She enjoys the quiet, the history, the community, and the local pubs. Her husband has the nasty habit of smoking. It's his only vice, says Emma. But Scotland has established the nasty habit of banning smoking in their pubs. Her husband finally became fed up with this inconvenience. The ban got in the way of his joy of a smoke and a pint at the pub. What to do? He built himself a pub in the backyard in one of the old barns. The old barn is now his personal pub. Now he can have his drink and his smoke together, as it should be. He installed the kegs, the pull handle to draw the pints, a brass railing to lean on, and about a thousand ashtrays. Dave asks if others come to his "pub." Emma says they certainly do. It's mostly visited by the locals. It's not a nightly thing, but word will go out when the pub is open. Some nights Emma and husband have gone to bed but the revelers remained till the wee hours. Your own pub in Scotland . . . . . in your backyard . . . . smoking allowed. I can't think of money better spent.

Emma's new film, "Last Chance Harvey" opens Christmas Day in select cities. She co-stars with Dustin Hoffman.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late Show, don't miss the First Lady of France, Carla Bruni, animal fun with Jungle Jack Hanna, Johnny Cash tribute band The Cold Hard Cash Show, and a knife-throwing demonstration by the Dalai Lama! It's a Late Show you won't want to miss. We'll be right back."

ACT 7:
PURPLE REIGN: Performing "Let's Go Crazy." You can see more of Purple Reign on their DVD, "The Prince Tribute Show."
www.purplereign.net

And that was our show for Monday, November 17, 2008.



I don't smoke; never have. New York has banned smoking in its bars. I was against this at first, figuring the owner should determine how he wants to run his business. If he wants smoking in his establishment, he should have it. If he doesn't want it, he should not allow it. It's up to him or her. If the demand is there for non-smoking pubs, people will go to the pubs that do not allow smoking. It should be up to the pub owner how he wants to run it.
But now that smoking hasn't been allowed in pubs for years in New York and I now come home nights without smoke-stink on my clothes . . . . . well, I'm still against the ban but I'm glad I can go to a place for a drink without coming home smelling like an ashtray. It should be up to the pub owner on whether to allow smoking or not. And it's up to the pub patron to go to a pub that allows smoking or not.

Another smoking story:
I went on a cruise for my honeymoon 20 years ago. Denise had just quit smoking so we asked for a non-smoking dining table. This was back when smoking was allowed in the dining areas on cruise ships. We sat with 4 other couples. They were the most boring people I ever met. Real duds. And none of them drank. Here they were on a cruise vacation and the 8 of them drank nothing but water and diet colas. And Denise and I would look over at a smoking table and they would be laughing and singing and cursing and drinking. We decided right there if we ever went on another cruise, we would be sure to ask for the smoking table. Smokers are a lot more fun.

When Dave asked Michelle Felicetta where in Arizona she was from, she said "about 2 hours north of Phoenix; about 1 hour south of the Grand Canyon." I guessed "Prescott." I've been to Arizona once in my life. I remember stopping in Prescott on my way from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon. I took a wild guess that the fox attack took place in Prescott. Later in her story she said she went to the hospital in Prescott, Arizona. DING! When I stopped in Prescott for a quick bite, I later found myself bar for a cold beer. I don't remember the name of the place but I remember a large poster of a Steve McQueen movie. It may have been for his film, "Junior Bonner," which was shot in Prescott. And in this age of Google, I looked up Prescott and Steve McQueen and discovered I went to "The Palace." And I highly recommend it.

Have you followed the NFL debacle that took place in Pittsburgh this weekend? For football fans, the Steelers won 11-10. For gambling fans, it was either a gift from heaven or a great injustice. On the last play of the game, the San Diego Chargers needed to score a touchdown from 70 yards away or so. Just when their player was about to get tackled, he would lateral the ball off to someone one. And then one lateral went astray and was picked off by a Steeler player who ran it back for a touchdown. This would have made it 17-10, plus the extra point would have made it 18-10. But the referees conferred and incorrectly called the play over before the touchdown. No touchdown. Final score, 11-10. Big deal, right? The Steelers still won 11-10 instead of 18-10. But for gamblers, the final score made all the difference in the world. With the point spread, those who bet the Chargers would have won even though the Chargers lost 11-10. But if the score was 18-10, those who bet the Chargers would have lost. How much money are we talking here? According to most reports, over $100 million dollars was legally bet in Vegas alone. And according to these sources, most people bet on the Steelers. With the 11-10 score, Vegas and those who bet the Chargers win big. If the final score was 18-10, Vegas would have lost. And for conspiracy theorists, this is a juicy story of a suspicious call made by the referees. The FIX was in, they would have you believe.
I've said it many times before; to fix a game, to help predetermine the outcome of a game, it would be difficult to corrupt the highly paid professional athlete. But what about an umpire? What about a referee? How they call a game can greatly influence the outcome of a game, and they aren't swimming in money. I don't believe the FIX was in, but it makes for some interesting talk and it makes for some very interesting stories from those who won or lost based on the call. Those who mingle with gamblers will be hearing about this game for years and years. And now for the coincidence: This NFL fiasco came 40 years minus one day after the infamous "Heidi Bowl" between the Jets and the Raiders. Back on November 17, 1968, the New York Jets and the Oakland Raiders were playing in a nationally televised AFL game. With the Jets winning 32-29 with 65 seconds left in the game and the clock hitting 7:00 PM, NBC decided to cut away from the game to keep on their TV scheduled special, "Heidi." And in those final 65 seconds, the Oakland Raiders scored two touchdowns to win, 43-32. Football fans were irate. And ever since, the networks have shown games in their entirety before going ahead with the regularly scheduled programs.

I know many of you aren't sports fans, but this is the reason why many of us never get to see "60 Minutes" at 7:00 PM in autumn. CBS won't go to "60 Minutes" until their 4:15 football game is over. And it was brought upon us by Heidi.

At least that's the way I remember it.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Argentina, it's Jayden Garcia
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com