" . . . . and now, facebook friend of Gary Sherman . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Following the monologue, we have "Great Moments in Presidential Speeches."
We see the President at a Q&A. Off camera, a woman calls out, "Mr. President?" George W. Bush hears the call but does not know whence it came. He answers, "Yeah . . ." and looks left, looks right, and then does a shuffle dance like you would see in West Side Story.

ACT 2:
Hey, how 'bout them Ball State University Ball State Fighting Football Cardinals! They are 4-0. Dave's been a fan all his life of the Ball State Cardinals. He proudly mentions the ferocious Cardinal, "the fiercest robin-sized bird" in all the world. How have the Ball State Cards become 4-0?
Home in Muncie vs. the Northeastern Huskies: win, 48-14.
Home in Muncie vs. the Navy Midshipmen: win, 35-23
Away in Akron vs. the Akron . . . . Zips: win, 41-24. A key win in the MAC.
Away in Bloomington vs. the Indiana Hoosiers: win, 42-20. Yup, that's a win in the Big 10!
Add that up and it makes them 4-0. And this Saturday is the Homecoming Game vs. the Kent State Golden Flashes. The college football experts have made Ball State a 17-point favorite.
And our good wishes are with Ball State wide receiver/kick returner Dante Love who suffered a spinal cord injury last week in the game vs. Indiana. Reports are that he doing well on his road to recovery.

Ball State Football . . . . . "We'll still be playing in January."

"LATE SHOW FUN FACTS" book. It's out today! It's in stores now! If you only have 20 bucks left to your name . . . . if all you have is $20 because of the economy . . . . you may ask yourself, "What should I do with it?" Well, Alan Greenspan would say, "Buy the Late Show Fun Facts book." It's 240 pages chockfull of fun facts and black and white pictures.

TOP TEN: GEORGE W. BUSH IDEAS FOR FIXING THE ECONOMY
10. Why fix it if it ain't broke?
7. Flip all them charts upside down
4. Let's just say the Lincoln Memorial is now the Tostitos Lincoln Memorial.

Out of the Top Ten closing animation, we find that intern sitting by Dave.
DAVE: "Excuse me, can I help you?"
LYLE: "Can I borrow the phone there, Nancy Reagan?"
DAVE: "I'm sorry?"
LYLE: "Gots to call the fire department because you are hot tonight . . . . you ridiculous melon farmer."
DAVE: "You're the intern . . . Lyle, right?"
LYLE: "Lyle the intern at your service, m'lady. Sorry to interrupt this little autopsy out here but I just want to say something. From your glow I can tell you're finally getting' some. Tickle the spider." (Lyle holds up his hand and wiggles his fingers to Dave. Dave refuses to tickle the spider)
DAVE: Lyle, I don't know what you're talking about."
LYLE: "Don't like to me, David, you've been on Cloud 9 ever since they legalized gay marriage. Did you and Ramone finally take the plunge?"
DAVE: "I don't know anyone named Ramone."
LYLE: "Tell that to TMZ, bubblebutt."
DAVE: "So, Lyle, how was your summer?"
LYLE: "Fat camp."
DAVE: "I'm sorry?"
LYLE: "Fat camp."
DAVE: "You went to fat camp?"
LYLE: "Fat . . . . . camp."
DAVE: "Why did you go to fat camp?"
LYLE: "Big girls need love, too, David. I thought you of all people would understand that."
DAVE: "Well, thank you for dropping by, Lyle."
LYLE: "Dave, I was with my posse this morning."
DAVE: "You have a posse?"
LYLE: "Hells yeah. You've met my big dawg, Rudy." (cut to shot of Rudy backstage. He seems a rather lethargic sort.)
LYLE: "He's electric. Boogie-woogie-woogie! Also, one of my bro's from back home is in town visiting. Is he back there?" (cut to shot of a guy in a yarmulke)
LYLE: "Looking good, Rabbi Solomon"
DAVE: "That's nice."
LYLE: "Damn, he's a wild man. Anyway, my crew and I had a great idea that could make us all some scratch."
DAVE: "Some scratch?"
LYLE: "Some clams."
DAVE: "Clams?"
LYLE: "Some sweet, sweet green-grass."
DAVE: "I don't understand."
LYLE: "Bootleg movies. We're bootleggers. Here's the business plan. You're in the entertainment business . . . . . sort of . . . . you get to see movies before everybody else. You tape it. I sell it. We retire to Boca."
DAVE: "I don't think I want to be a part of that."
LYLE: "David, don't F with me. I need this. I needs money to keep the big girls happy. After everything Lyle has done for you, you could do this for Lyle. And if not, Lyle's gonna have to get rude. When you get home, I will be under your bed . . . . and I will shank you, you dirty dirty bitch."
Lyle gets up and exits.
And that's Lyle. Isn't his semester up yet?

ACT 3:
JULIANNE MOORE
Julianne ran into some trouble based on her last appearance here at the show. The mother of her 6-year-old daughter's friend taped the show that night. The mom decided to watch Julianne's appearance with her daughter later that week. The little girl was excited to see her friend's mom on the TV. Julianne knew immediately what was coming. The last time Julianne was here, she spoke about . . . . . fellatio. I'm not sure, but it may be why we invited her back. Anyway, fellatio is a delicate subject to be discussed on television after midnight, but it is really awkward when it is on TV at noon and you're watching it with your daughter. That is why you should be careful with your DVR.
And that's a "The More You Know" PSA from the Late Show.
Julianne and the family traveled to the Amazon for vacation. They swam with pink dolphins in the Rio Negro, fished for piranha, and played with an anaconda.
(for my vacation, I went to the Jersey shore and ate at a Dairy Queen)
Julianne also did some bow hunting, though I think all she shot at was a target. A bit of misfortune occurred when the bowstring twanged across her breasts. The boob injury resulted in big laughs from her kids.
Julianne, a 4-time Academy Award nominated actress, stars in a new film entitled, "Blindness." An entire town is plagued with an epidemic of "white blindness and it spreads across the country. Society becomes chaotic, to say the least. "Blindness" - it opens October 3rd.

ACT 5:
Announce: "Tomorrow on the Late show, Dave welcomes Senator John McCain, and musical guest Delta Goodrem. The Late Show! Now available in easy-to-chew tablets.
We'll be right back."

ACT 6:
TIM REID AND TOM DREESEN
Forty years ago, neither were in show business. Tim was a marketing exec; Tom worked for an insurance company. They met in Chicago in 1968 at a Junior Chamber of Commerce meeting and were paired up to start a drug prevention program in the grade schools. The two would lecture against drugs in a humorous, funny way, and their lectures became quite popular. Someone suggested they would make a good comedy team. And then it was so. Tim and Tom became America's first black and white working comedy team.
Tim recaps 1968: the assassinations of Martin Luther King and Robert F. Kennedy, Vietnam, student demonstrations, the Democratic convention in Chicago, the drug revolution, the sex revolution, . . . . . so of course, a comedy team involving a black guy and white guy made perfect sense.
After some success as a team, the duo broke up. Tim Reid became well-known on "WKRP in Cincinnati" and "Frank's Place" and Tom eventually made it onto the "Tonight Show" with Johnny Carson was well on his way. The team first joined 40 years ago and they put the tales from that time in a new book entitled, "Tim & Tom: An American Comedy in Black and White," in stores now. And if you're in the New York area, they'll be holding a book signing Thursday at the Barnes & Noble in Lincoln Center at 7:30 PM.

ACT 7:
KINGS OF LEON
From their brand new CD, "Only By The Night," Kings of Leon performed "Sex on Fire." Here's something this 50-year-old doesn't say too often . . . . "I liked it."

"Sex on Fire" . . . . I think penicillin can take care of that.

And that was our show for Tuesday, September 23, 2008.



If I owned a business, I'd provide free coffee and bagels in the morning which I would take away 15 minutes before the start of the workday. Everybody would get to work early.

Where the heck is Ralph Nader during this economic mess? Isn't this right up his alley? Both "teams" have their dirty hands in this. He should be out there and telling it like he thinks it is, front and center!
I have a feeling Nader is trying to be front and center, but the big money is forcing him to the back and off to the side.

Over the break, I was watching a classic boxing match on the TV, Aaron Pryor vs. Alexis Arguello, 1983, their second meeting. I happened upon it in the 7th round. I remember their first fight was unbelievably action-packed, and recall Arguello hitting Pryor with the hardest punch I ever saw and Pryor barely batting an eye. Anyway, this rematch was nearly as good. But what I became fixated on were two 60-year-old women in the second row. Great seats for the fight. But not once did they look up at the bout. They were so busy gabbing and chatting and gossiping that it was obvious they had no interest. In the last round of the fight, Pryor is pounding Arguello silly. A man is being pummeled 10 feet away from these women and they could not care less. I found their chatting so more intriguing than the fight. You can find it on YouTube, though the quality and clarity isn't that good. Look for the woman in red; never stops talking to the woman on her right. And then she engages the woman on her left. And when Arguello goes down, the women never look up once. And that's Jack Nicholson in the yellow jacket and sunglasses.

Oh, and horse racing fans, September 15th in the first race at Delaware Park, Letterman's Humor placed in the money, coming in 2nd of 7 horses, finishing behind Funny Book. This is the best finish for Letterman's Humor that I can remember. Congratulations, Letterman's Humor.

My guess is the reason newspapers put stuff like the supposed "lipstick on a pig" insult on the front page is because headlines like that sell more newspapers than a headline about a candidate's health or economic plan.

How will the financial disaster affect me? It won't. I still won't have enough money.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
I'm wearing one of the shirts she sent, from Down Under in the land of the Roo, it's Kath Creel
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com