" . . . . and now, here to present tonight's winning lottery numbers . . . . David Letterman!"

ACT 1:
Following the monologue, we have GREAT MOMENTS IN PRESIDENTIAL SPEECHES
Bush: " . . . . and uh . . . uh . . . it's a . . . . it is a . . . . I think it's a . . . it's a . . . least ..."

ACT 2:
Senator Barack Obama was here yesterday and whenever we have a Presidential candidate on the show, the Secret Service if all over the place. There here early with the bomb sniffing dogs. We usually have to explain to the Secret Service with the dogs: "There's no bomb . . . it's just the show."
But the Secret Service are all business, all very serious. Dave admits to being scared by them. They are not to be messed with. With that in mind, you can understand how odd it was when he heard this backstage before yesterday's show. Three Secret Service guys were talking to our costume designer Sue Hum.
Sue: "I don't know . . . like a 41 Regular."
Secret Service #1: "Exactly!"
Secret Service #2: "Yeah, do me next."
Sue: "Uhhh, a 38 Long?"
Secret Service #2: "No, 39, but close!
Secret Service #3: "My turn."
Sue: "I think you're a 40."

Senator Barack Obama was on FOX News' "The O'Reilly Factor" this week in a 4-part interview. O'Reilly took a different approach to the Senator's visit than did Dave. I'm not sure how much information we got from the meeting. We see a clip.
We see Bill O'Reilly ask Obama a question. Barack tries to answer but is interrupted by O'Reilly. When Barack again tries to answer the question, Billy O' stops him. This goes on and on. Back and forth it's "Let me finish" and "No no no no" and "let me finish my point." O'Reilly finishes the interview with, "I think I can kick your butt in one-on-one basketball." Oh, I'd like to see that. I have a feeling Bill's one of those players who always calls the foul but when a foul is called on him, it's "all ball!" And that's a memo.

On your local news programs, the news anchors are always moving from one story to the next. Sometimes it is a bit awkward when the segue isn't smooth, such as the case in the following examples.
LOCAL NEWS SEGUE OF THE NIGHT -From KRIV-Fox, Houston, Texas, with Tom Zizka and Sibila Vargas.
Tom: "The scientists are hoping to learn more about dark matter and the very beginnings of the universe. Some skeptics, though, worry the experiment could create microscopic black holes that could doom life on Earth."
Sibila: "Crossing our fingers. Well, you know those designer purses? We love them, right, ladies . . . . "

What? The Earth is about to explode and we're supposed to be interested in designer purses? Hmm, well on second thought, why not?

TOP TEN: Reasons I Like Being An Actor - There are many reasons people go into acting; as many reasons as there are actors. And to present tonight's Top Ten list, stars of the new film, "Righteous Kill," Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino.

ACT 3:
During the commercial break, Felicia sang some Aretha Franklin. Just this morning I had my daughters listening to some Aretha on the record player. I'm trying to introduce them to a different female singer each morning during breakfast.
Yesterday was Janis Joplin. Today was Aretha Franklin. Tomorrow I'll put on the Billie Holiday.

JESSICA SIMPSON
- She's gone country. Her new CD, "Do You Know," is her first country music offering. Dave immediately wants to talk football. Jessica has been dating Dallas Cowboy quarterback Tony Romo for about a year now. They met in Louisiana and they talked on the phone almost daily for a month before going on their first date. During the dinner date, Tony leaned over and tried to kiss Jessica. Dave laughed, imaging the QB with a mouthful of meat trying to kiss Jessica. Jessica stopped him and asked, "Are you trying to kiss me . . . in front of all these people?" Tony says he wasn't. Dave sizes up the situation and proclaims, "Incompleted pass! Am I right?!" After it became known that Tony and Jessica were an item last year, Romo's performance on the field coincidentally started to suffer. The Cowboy fans think of Jessica as a jinx, especially after she showed up to a game in a pink #9 Dallas Cowboy jersey. Does she think she is a jinx? No, but she says she won't wear the pink jersey again. Dave wonders if having Jessica at the stadium might create the slightest distraction and cause Tony to be off his game. Jessica doesn't think so, and claims that this year "He's firing the pigskin real right."
Somehow, I don't recall how, the topic of whether Tony Romo wears a cup or not. An athletic cup is a protective device which protects a player's WooHa. Jessica doesn't think he does. She admits to looking real hard at times during the game and she says she can see something that isn't a cup. Dave isn't sure where to go with this and checks her mug to see what she is drinking. As Jessica continues, Dave makes a "drinking" motion as if she is imbibing and the reason she isn't making sense. Jessica says she doesn't think Tony wears a cup because it slows him down. Dave says a hit in the wrong place would slow him down a lot more than wearing a cup.
Back from commercial, Dave says he's learned that some quarterbacks and some other skilled position players do not wear a protective cup. How do you like that? Dave learning football from Jessica Simpson.

ACT 5:
JACK HANNA
-Director Emeritus of the Columbus Zoo.
-His program, "Jack Hanna's Into The Wild" recently won a Daytime Emmy Award -Jack has two new books this month: a memoir in stores now, "Jungle Jack: Wild Life" and a children's book, "Passport Into the Wild," which will be in stores September 30th.
1. Jack brings out a bongo, which is like an antelope. They are extinct in the wild and are slowly being reintroduced with those raised in captivity. The bongo has a reddish fur with soft white stripes. Jack takes a white rag and rubs the bongo. He then shows the rag which is now red. Dave wonders if it's due to a bad dye job.

2. A huge Snapping Turtle. It looks old and cranky. Its mouth is wide open looking for something to snap. Jack points out a little pink thing inside the turtle's dark mouth. Jack explains that to a fish, that looks like a worm. And when the fish swims in the turtle's mouth for the worm, SNAP!

Whenever I hear the mention of a snapping turtle, I always think of the joke an old neighbor and army veteran Frankie Thomas would tell at the local Pearl River American Legion Hall:
-"The waiter asks what I would like. I tell him, 'I'll have the turtle soup, and make it snappy.'"
I smile whenever I think of that joke. If I've been to the Legion Hall a hundred times, I've heard the joke a hundred times.
- "I was at a restaurant and wanted to change my soup order, so I hollered out to the waiter, 'Hold the chicken and make it pea.'"

3. Alligator. Dave pets the alligator and says, "Ohhhh, nice shoes." The animal handler didn't think it too funny.

4. two prosimians - they are pre-monkeys. They like to climb and are easily handled, just as long as you hold onto the leash. Dave asks a question about the prosimians. Not surprisingly, Jack is a bit dumbfounded, but knows where to find the answer. He reaches for his memoir off Dave's desk and quickly leafs through it in an attempt to get the information. Very funny. Jack does a great job when he is on the show. Is it an act? Golly, I hope so, but truthfully, I don't know. Either way, he's very entertaining.

5. We finish with two beautiful snow leopards. Some think you might find these around Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa, but Jack says they are found in Asia.

And that's Jack.

ACT 7:
JESSICA SIMPSON: From her new country CD, "Do You Know," Jessica Simpson performed "Come on Over."

And that was our show for Thursday, September 11, 2008.



Thursday's front page of the New York Post --- Big picture of a pig with mascara and lipstick. Headline reads: "Read My Lips. Obama slams pig swill."
On the 7th Anniversary of 9/11, the Post has a pig in makeup on its front page. Nice job, Murdoch.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/09112008/frontback.htm

Programming idea: What this country needs is a good 6th grade education. We are sorely lacking in our knowledge in worldwide affairs. I try to follow what's going on in the Middle East and the origins of mistrust between nations and the century old conflicts between religions around the world. But it always seems like I'm hopping on board to read a book starting at Chapter 17. I have no real background. Newspaper articles are usually over my head. What we need is one less reality show on TV and replace it with an educational program that speaks to us as if we are in the 6th grade, starting at Chapter 1. Remember those Saturday morning educational quickie shows, "In The News"? They lasted about 3 minutes and recapped something that was happening in our world. I loved it, but I would like to see that expanded to a half hour, or even an hour. And I would promote the program as a dare, daring the home viewer to become educated. The whole family could watch it; kids learning about the world for the first time, and parents learning about the world for the first time.

I have no idea why this came to me. On my way in to work this morning, I was picturing "moving sidewalks." I remember thinking when I was just a kid that by the 21st Century we'd all have moving sidewalks to take us from here to there. Walking would be a thing of the 1900's. And then I started thinking about a TV show from the 1960s called, I think, "The 21st Century." It was a program showing us what we could expect to find when we arrived in the 21st Century. I'd like to see those shows again, just to see how close those predictions came to be reality. But when I gave a quick Google check of "The 21st Century" I couldn't find what I was looking for. It's funny how the mind works. I'm thinking "The 21st Century" was a series. It was probably a one-night special, and I wouldn't even be surprised if it was a one-time segment on a news show. Could be.
Which reminds me of a story. We had Kelly Monteith on our show some years back. I mentioned to the research department that he had a comedy/variety show for a few years back in the 70's. They seemed surprised. When we looked it up, I was shocked that "The Kelly Monteith Show" was a 4-week summer replacement back in 1976. There was no reason for my remembering that. And I couldn't believe it was on only 4 weeks.

Tuesday's writers strike news in the Wahoo? Just checking to see how many read to the bottom.

CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER
From Yorba Linda, California, it's Connie Blood.
This concludes another episode of CAMEO MENTION OF A WAHOO READER

Michael Z. McIntee
mikemack@aol.com