It’s the 12th Anniversary of the very first LATE SHOW. Where were you August 30, 1993? The first guests on the show were Bill Murray and Billy Joel, with special visits from Paul Newman and Tom Brokaw. CBS has aired 2,419 LATE SHOWs (4 were primetime specials). Adding to that Dave’s totals from LATE NIGHT (1,810) and his daytime program (90 shows), Dave has hosted 4,319 episodes.

It’s also an exciting night as we welcome the Commander of the Space Shuttle Discovery, Eileen Collins. Plus, we’re in high-definition. To celebrate tonight’s special presentation, our comedy lab developed a floating LATE SHOW coffee mug. Dave shows what we came up with. He orders to mug to hover and it soon rises off the desk, like magic. One could readily tell it was going to be a very special night. And you thought we just sat back and did nothing on our recent vacation . . . HA!

As always, we don’t do a thing until all safety measures have been met. Once again, Dave instructs for the LATE SHOW Bear to be put away. Doing the chore tonight is LATE SHOW Technical Maintenance Supervisor, Gary Mintz. I was saddened to see one of Mr. Mintz’s underlings hoping for damage to be done to him, believing this would lead to a promotion of the individual to fill the vacancy. Sad, but yes, it’s that kind of world out there.

Tonight’s sponsor of the LATE SHOW Bear: Gold’s Gym – the largest chain of co-ed gyms in the world. You too can sponsor the LATE SHOW Bear for only a cool one thousand dollars.

Many think putting away the LATE SHOW Bear to be a very dangerous job, but how about trying to put a T-Shirt on the LATE SHOW Bear? Now that’s a job! Doing the difficult tailoring job is LATE SHOW Costume Designer Susan Hum and the Assistant Costume Designer, Teresa Snider-Stein. I bet they didn’t picture doing that when they signed up for Costume Designer school.

It’s Tuesday and so we head over to Rupert’s Hello Deli. The LATE SHOW has been at 1697 Broadway for 12 years. Rupert has been here for 14. What difference has the show made to the area? Rupert says it has brought him a lot more money. Tonight we’re playing, “The Late Show 12th Anniversary Flashback.” While Rupert looks for a contestant, we’ll go on with the show.

The High-Definition, Wide-Screen broadcasting of the LATE SHOW is exciting for everyone, especially those equipped with the High-Definition, Wide-Screen TV sets. And as a salute to the 6% who have the new fangled televisions, we present "The Late Show High-Definition Celebrity Walk On," available only to those with the wide-screen TVs. Out walks a celebrity and shakes Dave’s hand. The celebrity then exits. Those with the regular televisions didn’t see who it was. Those with the 21st Century sets saw that it was Brad Pitt. Yes, the high-definition even makes Brad Pitt look a bit older and haggard.

Hey, let’s get back to Rupert and see what he’s got. Rupert’s guest tonight is Tera Dollar of Alabama. She is a student at Troy University working on a math education degree. Dave has Tera ask Rupert a math question. She poses, “35 divided by 6.” Rupert answers, “5?” (I think that’s how it went.) When questioned, Tera says she meant to say “30 divided by 6”, so Rupert’s answer of 5 was correct. Not only is Rupert a math whiz, he’s also clairvoyant. Tonight on “The Late Show 12th Anniversary Flashback,” Tera will be invited inside the Ed Sullivan Theater to tell a monologue joke from our very first show back on August 30, 1993.

I was a bit concerned when I first heard tonight’s idea. I was worried the monologue joke may have been one of tonight’s jokes as well.

Dave calls for Tera and Rupert to come into the theater. Rupert is given a cue card; Tera takes her place at center stage. And what are we playing for tonight? Alan announces, “Either a half million dollars in gold bullion or a water pik!”

We are ready. Tera is cued.

Tera: “I had a pretty good summer, kind of relaxing. I think I must have gone two months without saying ‘Buttafuoco.’”

Music from Paul. Dave calls for the girls to bring it in. The scrim rises and the model roll out a huge LATE SHOW 12th Anniversary Cake. Yum.

And that’s how we play, “The Late Show 12th Anniversary Flashback."

Back from commercial, Dave laments “12 years ago on our first show we had Bill Murray and Paul Newman. Tonight we have Rupert and Regis.” OK, OK, it was Regis as the High-Definition Celebrity Walk On. Doh! I was going to pitch a joke in the close of the show of Dave thanking Brad Pitt as performing that honor. BUZZZZZ.

12 years is a long time on CBS, but Dave does not forget those who were here at the start. Dave takes a moment to recognize a pair of performers who were crucial to the show’s early success. Dave welcomes the actors who played Dave and Paul for the first 5 years. Two gentlemen enter. They look a bit similar to Dave and Paul. “Dave Letterman” and “Paul Shaffer” is printed under each, along with “1993-1998.”

TOP TEN: Things I Have Learned in 12 Years at the Late Show
#10. CBS will air anything.
#7. I can fly to Miami, shoot Suge Knight in the leg, and be back by show time the next day.
#6. Oprah hides her love for me behind a veil of hatred and disgust.
#3. If a President gets it on with an intern, you’ve got ten years of material.

Before the Commander of the Space Shuttle Discovery comes out, Dave makes sure the floating coffee mug is ready to go.

EILEEN COLLINS: She’s the Commander of the Space Shuttle Discovery, returning to earth on August 9th. She sees a lot of things as an astronaut but probably nothing quite as amazing as our floating coffee mug.

What are the responsibilities of a Space Shuttle Commander? The Commander is responsible for orbit flying, the execution of the mission, and making sure the crew is trained. It is a hard job. I should know. I was the Space Commander aboard the Mission: Space ride at Epcot. Afterwards, I laid on the ground trying not to vomit. I didn’t handle it too well, so my hat is off to Eileen Collins.

How fast did the Space Shuttle Discovery travel? She says it hit a speed of 17,500 mph. . . . but she’s afraid of roller coasters.

I’m afraid of roller coasters, too, but my 9-year-old daughter Danielle isn’t. Since I don’t want her to go on the roller coaster by herself, I go along with her. I try to be brave but I think she sees right through me. She’ll softly pat my white-knuckled hand as I grasp the bar in front of me. After the ride, she’ll ask how I liked it. I tell her, “It felt scary. My eyes were closed the whole time.”

Collins says she is afraid of roller coasters but not afraid of commanding the Space Shuttle. The best in the world work on the project and if she ever worried about safety, she wouldn’t be able to do her job properly.

The Discovery ran in to some problems early in the flight when she was informed that a 1-pound slab of foam insulation had broken off during liftoff. This is what when wrong aboard Columbia. Luckily, the flying foam missed hitting the Discovery. With the foam insulation broken off, there was now filler material dangling from the belly. This could cause problems on reentry, so repairs had to be done. To get a look at the problem, Eileen had to roll over the Shuttle by way of a backflip, a move never executed before. The repairs were then made while the spacecraft was in orbit, also a first in history. I liked and was impressed with Eileen Collins. Her professionalism and confidence in her crew and the mission shined.

BIFF HENDERSON’S U.S. OPEN RECAP – There is no bigger tennis fan in New York than our own Biff Henderson. Yesterday we sent him out to Queens for the U.S. Open to offer up his personal recap. Biff introduces the piece, “Take a look at the excitement that took place yesterday in Flushing, Queens.”

We cut to see Biff stuck in traffic. He is honking the horn, screaming “C’mon jackass, move it! Let’s go!!!”
Back to Biff: “This has been ‘Biff Henderson’s U.S. Open Recap.’”

ACT 5: It’s cake for the audience! The models and the Pages distribute the delicious cake to the throngs.

RICHARD LEWIS: He’s in the HBO series Curb Your Enthusiasm, my favorite show on TV. (As an employee of Worldwide Pants, I was not allowed to vote for the LATE SHOW.) The new season begins September 25th. Richard also has a DVD set to be released on September 13th, entitled, Richard Lewis – Concerts From Hell: The Vintage Years. I’ve always liked Richard’s appearances, as well as his TV show with Jamie Lee Curtis some years back. Give me a minute and I’ll look up the name of the show on the Google. I think “Love” is in the title. Ah, here it is: Anything But Love (1989-1992)

Unfortunately, Richard speaks and throws out his jokes faster than I can right them down. He spoke of his happy marriage, politics, fitness, God, and Scientology. I’ll have to re-watch the show at home for the specifics. I do remember laughing out loud about the movie thriller, “It,” and a character screaming out, “Oh my God, there’s a pronoun in the basement!” I checked the pre-show segment notes to possible piece together some of what was discussed, but very little matched. Richard was spewing whatever came to his head at the time. I’ve heard good things about his 2-DVD set of his concerts from hell. It’s on my watch list. It comes out in two weeks.

To close the show, Dave says, “It just occurred to me, both of our guests on tonight’s show have been in space.”

And that was our show for Tuesday August 30, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

I saw this while scanning the sports page the other day. Race car driver Alex Zanardi claimed his first ever win in the World Touring Car Championship with a victory in the second race of the weekend at Oschersleben. Why do I mention this? Alex almost lost his life following a horrific accident in 2001 which saw him lose both legs below the knee. Alex was a guest on our show December 3, 2004 and told his story and of his return to auto racing. Nice going, Alex!

As I wrote earlier, my 9-year-old daughter Danielle loves the roller coasters. The bigger, the better. Being a protective dad, I go along with her even though I’m a scared. Last week the family went to Hershey Park in Pennsylvania. She got me up on the upside down, twirling, 0-75 mph in 2 seconds roller coaster and she was screaming with glee the whole ride. And then when we get off, she wants to go get an autograph from the Hershey Bar character she saw at the front of the park. It doesn’t make sense. She is brave enough and old enough to go flying on a ridiculously scary roller coaster, and then she is young and innocent enough to want an autograph from a guy dressed as a Hershey Bar. It makes no sense.

On the way out of the park, Danielle and her twin Dominique made a music video, singing Gwen Stefani’s, “If I Were A Rich Girl.” There is a small studio in the Park that plays music videos made by other Park attendees. For a fee, you can make your own. And after you sing and perform in your video, it is sampled on a number of TV screens for all the passersby to enjoy. Showing no shyness at all, Dominique and Danielle performed the above “Rich Girl” song. Seconds later, it was broadcast on the monitors. It came out pretty good, the girls proud as could be. When we eventually got home, I rummaged through my album collection and found my Fiddler on the Roof album. I slapped it on my record player to Zero Mostel’s “If I Were a Rich Man.” It was fun to see my girls’ eyes widen when they heard this strange man singing a Gwen Stefani song.