Dave opens advising that he may not be here next week. Staffers throughout the building sat up and leaned in waiting for what was to come, since this is how we find out most of our news about the show. Why won't Dave be here? Because he's been called for jury duty. Always one to perform his civic duty, Dave will answer the call and sit if necessary. Dave offers, "If I get on a jury . . . . as far as I'm concerned . . . . everybody is guilty." Pointing directly to the camera, Dave warns, "You, my friend, are going down!" Well, that will save a lot of time.

Congratulations go out to Dr. Phil who will soon broadcast his 500th show. Dr. Phil's last name escapes Dave for the moment, so settles on Dr. Phil Seigel.

SOAP OPERA CLIP OF THE NIGHT - From NBC's "Passions," we see Precious the monkey drinking gin. Dave correctly surmises, "If there is more than one person watching this show, we are very near the end of civilization."

And they found the first major league baseball player to have violated the new policy against the use of performance-enhancing drugs. It's Tampa Bay Devil Rays outfielder Alex Sanchez. Commissioner Bud Selig came out with this announcement:

"Baseball is disappointed that Tampa Bay Devil Ray Alex Sanchez tested positive for steroids. Bud Selig would like to announce that instead of a 10-game suspension, Sanchez's punishment will be . . . . . to continue playing for the Devil Rays. Baseball fever - catch it!"

Oh, about Charles Barkley: He's an 11-time All-Star; NBA MVP in 1993; and one of only 4 NBA players to amass 23,000 points, 12,000 rebounds, and 4,000 assists.

Lisa Marie Presley was on the Oprah show the other day. Did you see it? Things got a little hairy during the taping. We have a clip.
We see Oprah asking Lisa Marie about her marriage to Michael Jackson. Oprah asks, "Was it a consummated marriage?" Lisa Marie responds, "Yeah." The audience erupts into shouts of disgust and disbelief. The screaming and carrying on lasted for minutes. It was truly gruesome.

And speaking of baseball, our very own Biff Henderson went to Legends Field in Tampa, Florida and spent his 8th spring at Yankee Spring Training.

BIFF AT YANKEE SPRING TRAINING
We see Biff meeting up with his old friends, including:
-a returning Mike Stanton with a hug.
-tourists who are familiar with the Late Show
-Biff re-enacts what Martha Stewart is doing now. We see him pacing in his hotel room with nothing to do. Great re-enactment. I thought I was watching E!.
-Conjugals with Martha?
-Ooooh, the back door slider
-Where are all the big baseball stars? On TV! Hey, there's Canseco in DC.
-We couldn't get Randy Johnson, so instead we see footage of him killing a bird. (I never get tired of seeing that clip)
-Biff gets chewed out by Yankee owner George Steinbrenner
-Biff tells Derek Jeter that George Steinbrenner just chewed him out. Derek congratulates Biff; "Now you're a true Yankee."

DREW BARRYMORE: Dave tells her that she's never looked better. I had to agree. She was quite the vision making her entrance. And she just turned 30. Well, that explains it! 30 looks good on a woman.
While talking to Dave, Drew uses the word "ensconced." I said, "HEY! She used that word the last time she was here!" Then I thought it may have been somebody else. But now I'm back to thinking it was Drew. If my curiosity gets the better of me, I'll check the old tapes.
I find that if it involves much effort, curiosity doesn't usually get the best of me anymore.

Drew and Dave discuss her new movie, "Fever Pitch," about a devoted baseball fan (Jimmy Fallon) following his beloved Boston Red Sox. She describes how the Fallon character is so absolutely in love with the Sawx and follows them religiously. Dave fully understands that emotion, sharing that as a youngster he would follow the Cincinnati Reds much the way as Fallon's character. Dave would listen to every game, read about it in the newspaper, and become depressed if they lost, a depression that would last until the next game. Dave has come to learn that the players see what they do as a job. They work at playing baseball. It's just a job; a great job, but still it's a job.

In "Fever Pitch," Jimmy Fallon finds this out and sadly learns that the players are not as emotionally involved as the fans with the team or the game and that the fans loyalty to the players is not equally reciprocated. I learned this many years ago. It was a playoff game between the New York football Giants vs. the San Francisco 49ers. I was a big big Giants fan. On this Sunday, the 49ers defeated the Giants and I blamed it all on that hated, no-talent Joe Montana. I hated him for what he did to my Giants. I was depressed for weeks. Still despising Montana, I turned on the TV one weekend. There was a Pro-Am Celebrity Golf Tournament on. Playing side-by-side, laughing it up and having a swell time, were Joe Montana and the great Giant linebacker Lawrence Taylor. There they were, Joe Montana and Lawrence Taylor paling around like buddies. It was then I asked myself why Lawrence Taylor was liking Joe Montana and I was hating him? Shouldn't Lawrence Taylor's hate for Montana be greater than mine? That's when my blind loyalty to sports teams and figures disappear. I am no longer emotionally involved in sports, watching for entertainment only with some rooting interest.
Drew has been spending time in Vegas and has grown to love the town. She's not much of a gambler but loves to watch the craps.

And now MY CRAPS STORY:
Denise and I were in Atlantic City. We just came from watching a concert by Chicago. We stopped to watch some craps. Denise likes to watch the action even though she doesn't know how to play. She gets a spot right on the table. After a few minutes, I see her rummaging through her pocketbook. She finds one of those small tins of Bayer Aspirin. She looks how to open it. Holding the in front of her, Denise presses down on the two near corners of the squared tin with her thumbs. I can see what is about to happen. The rest happens in slow motion. I yell "NO" and reach to grab the tin of Bayer. I'm too late. The Bayer Aspirin tin shoots out from her fingers and out onto the craps table. The tin flies open and the aspirin tablets spew all across the table. The dice roll by. The Craps guy screams out, "NO ROLL! NO ROLL! BAD ROLL!" I grab Denise by the elbow and tell her, "Let's go." She resists, "But what about my aspirin?!" I pull harder and repeat, "LET'S GO NOW!" We left without looking back. We did not stop till we had our parking validated.

So how was it working with Jimmy Fallon on "Fever Pitch"? Drew goes on about how funny and talented Jimmy is and how much fun it was to work with him. She gave examples and instances and stories and more. While she was in mid-sentence of another sentence about Jimmy Fallon, Dave screams in interruption, "ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT JIMMY FALLON! How much longer were you going to go on about Jimmy Fallon?" Dave continues to rant his ennui over Drew's talk of Fallon. What Dave said exactly I'm not sure since I was laughing too hard to hear. Oooh boy, did I get a kick out of that. That clip will be flagged in my database.

To finish up the segment, Dave shows a book recently written by Drew. The cover is of Drew on Dave's desk seconds after flashing the host back on April 12, 1995. It is titled, "Overcoming Shyness." What I liked about this book is that it's been sitting in the shack backstage for at least 6 years. It was prepared for Dave's Book Collection. For some reason it ended up in the 8X8 shack in the back. I have no idea why.

CHARLES BARKLEY: Charles can't believe Dave is going to jury duty. Would Charles go? "No, it would interrupt my golf game."
Dave asks about Indiana Pacer Reggie Miller who will be retiring at the end of the year. Charles says Reggie is so old, he can remember when the Knicks were a good team. Dave is a bit concerned about the NBA game, wondering who he will have to root for once Reggie leaves. Dave lists players he liked to watch: Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan . . . . Charles mentions Lebron James. Dave's eyes widen. "Oh, yeah, I can root for him!" Charles offers, "Dwayne Wade." Dave gives a "who cares" or a "who's he?" shrug. Kobe Bryant? Dave says he's a head case.
Talk turns to NBA coaches and Dave wonders why so many get fired. Charles says "All these teams thing they're better than they are. All these guys think they're married to a Playboy Bunny but they're really married to a rabbit." I laughed, enjoying how Charles can always cut right to the heart of the matter and tell it like it really is. Often times, coaches are fired because of the overestimated talent of the team. What about college basketball? Dave says he used to love watching coach Bobby Knight pick up and throw a cheerleader across the floor. Now, by the time a player becomes worth watching he's jumping to the NBA. Charles hopes the NBA sets an age limit for players which will force athletes to wait at least two years after high school before joining the league. Hopefully, this time would be spent in college.
Patrick Ewing? "One of the most underrated players in NBA history" says Charles.

Charles has written a book entitled, "Who's Afraid of a Large Black Man?" Charles calls it a positive book on race. Dave asks, "What can you tell us that White America doesn't know about Black America?"
Charles says "We're not what you see in the movies or TV. On TV, we're either a jock a comedian or a rapper. We're more than that." In the book, among those Charles interviewed were Tiger Woods, Barak Obama, a Rabbi, and Bill Clinton discussing race in America.. Leafing through the book, I've put it on my list as one I'll be reading this summer.
Charles Barkley - one of my favorites to watch on the court and always entertaining to hear what he has to say.

ACT 5: This is a Late Show Reminder. There are only 362 days until Daylight Saving Time Begins in 2006. Don't forget to set your clocks ahead one hour! This has been a Late Show Reminder. Spread the word.

And that was our show for Thursday, April 5, 2005. Wahoo EXTRA!

Speculation has begun that the next Pope will be named Pope George Ringo.

Well that didn't take long. My 2nd favorite Yankee is Hideki Matsui. Quiet, hard-working, a student of the game. My only problem with him is I feel he is not very good on fly balls up against the wall. I've seem him miss a few catchable good plays against the wall. So what does he do in the 2nd inning on Opening Night? He reaches over the fence to steal a home run from Boston's Kevin Millar. My guess is Hideki felt he needed work on catching fly balls along the fence and spent the off-season working on just that. And that wouldn't surprise me at all. You see, Matsui hasn't been Americanized yet.

From Monday's Phil Mushnick sports/media column in the New York Post, regarding CBS coverage of the NCAA Final Four:

"Meanwhile, the star of the two-game Final Four telecast on Saturday was director Bob (Stay On The Floor) Fishman. Did you miss anything to a crowd shot, a cheerleader shot, a band shot, a bench shot, a parent shot, a painted-face shot? Heck, no. The first in-play crowd shot during Illinois-Louisville came with 46 seconds left; Illinois had the ball, up 13. It was the first time fancy could logically trump the game. Fishman gave us both.
The camera pulled back to show the game and, in the background, an entire section of orange-shirted Illinois fans rocking the house. To quote Napoleon Dynamite: Sweet."

About my Let's Make a Deal braintwist from Thursday's Wahoo: Should the final contestant on Let's Make A Deal switch his/her choice of curtain when offered by Monty Hall.

From Nelson Shirota of Torrance, California

"Your, 'Let's Make A Deal' advice only applies if you were the first person to pick a curtain. Going first means you have three choices. If you have to go second, you only have two to pick from so you actually have a 50/50 chance (assuming the first person didn't already pick the big prize, in which case you are, 'drawing dead' as they say in poker.)
If the first person gets zonked, then should you choose the other curtain? As far as odds go, it makes no difference. My advice would be to listen very carefully for the sound of a hoofed animal behind a curtain, then choose the other."

From a Wahoo reader named Jack:

"I love being asked questions like the one today on Let's Make a Deal. Should the second person change their choice? Yes! Why? Because they have more information now (after seeing what's behind curtain B) then when they made their original choice. More information will help improve your odds. Let's go back one minute.
When there were 3 curtains to choose from, person A would have a 1/3 chance of picking the big prize. But after seeing what was behind one the loser curtains, they still only keep that 1/3 chance of being right if they stick with their choice. Knowing what's behind alosing curtain has no affect on the odds of their original choice.
However, if they can change their choice after curtain B is revealed, they are now only choosing between 2 curtains (A and C). Now the odds are 1/2. Of course they should change their choice. 1/2 is better than1/3."

From Jay Gianotti of Munster, Indiana:

"Regarding your bit on the 'Let's Make a Deal' braintwister - There is a fundamental flaw in your problem: in the final deal of the day, contestants do NOT have the chance to change their mind. Once they've picked a door, they are stuck with it, for better or worse. Now, the scenario you have described could easily apply for any of the other deals in the show, and then you would be correct as you have described it. But, in reality, for the final Big Deal of the Day, your chances of being right are down to 33% (1 out of 3), because you only have one chance to pick the door for the big prize."

From Jason Carpenter of Bettendorf:

"About your Let's Make a Deal argument. What you said made no sense."

Laugh, ridicule, doubt all you want. Helen Read says I'm right, and that's good enough for me! And if you want more explanation by someone who knows how to explain things like this, check out this website that's quickly becoming one of my favorites.
http://www.maa.org/devlin/devlin_07_03.html

What is a Tar Heel?
When Carolina was divided in 1710, the southern part was called South Carolina and the northern, or older settlement, North Carolina. From this came the nickname the "Old North State." Historians have recorded that the principal products during the early history of North Carolina were "tar, pitch, and turpentine." It was during one of the fiercest battles of the War Between the States, so the story goes, that the column supporting the North Carolina troops was driven from the field. After the battle the North Carolinians, who had successfully fought it out alone, were greeted from the passing derelict regiment with the question: "Any more tar down in the Old North State, boys?" Quick as a flash came the answer: "No, not a bit, old Jeff's bought it all up." "Is that so; what is he going to do with it?" was asked. "He's going to put on you-un's heels to make you stick better in the next fight." Creecy relates that General Lee, upon hearing of the incident, said: "God bless the Tar Heel boys," and from that they took the name.

THIS DATE IN NHL HOCKEY HISTORY
April 5, 1987 - Wayne Gretzky wins his 7th consecutive NHL scoring title.