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Monday, July 28, 2008

Top Ten Ways John McCain Can Appear More Youthful
 Top Ten   
Campaign in a batsuit
Instead of Lincoln, pepper speech with quotes from Broday Jenner
Get his Miracle Ear pierced
Stop yelling at reporters to get off his lawn
Play breakdancing vice principal in "High School Musical 3"
Take a page from Jason Giambi and grow a cool moustache
Wrestle a gator
Change name of "Straight Talk Express" to "J-Dawg's Booty Wagon"
Stop promising a Packard in every garage and a goose in every icebox
Never hurts to nail a few interns
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Announce if elected, he'll change Montana's name to Hannah Montana

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Start going by sexier "Juan McCain"

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Challenge Obama to a winner take all game of "Guitar Hero"

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Maybe stop referencing countries that no longer exist

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Baggy low-riding jeans that expose several inches of boxer shorts

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Appear on MTV's "Pimp My Comb-Over"

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Begin every speech with, "My fellow dawgs"

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Make Patrick Dempsey running mate and use slogan "McCain + McDreamy = McAwesome

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On birth certificate, alter "1902" so it looks like "1907"

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Tease the hair up to Amy Winehouse level

Kevin James Weighs In
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