DAVETV If you could look at only one thing on the Internet, DaveTV would be the obvious choice. What other so-called "website" lets you watch LATE SHOW Highlights, Comedy Clips, Slideshows, Stupid Trick clips and The Tony Mendez Show?
TOP TEN LIST You know it, you love it, you can't live without it: the revolutionary comedy bit that won Dave the Nobel Peace Prize. Check out the latest Top Ten List here.
TOP TEN ARCHIVES Old Top Ten Lists never die, they just get archived. The Top Ten Archives is searchable by date and keyword. Also, please note that the word "archives" contains the word "chives."
TOP TEN CONTEST So you think you're as funny as Dave's writers? Or maybe you just enjoy wasting time at work? See if you've got the chops to win a great prize in our weekly Top Ten Contest.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
TOP TEN SEARCH Search Results.
WAHOO GAZETTE LATE SHOW staffer Mike McIntee gives you a daily show summary and the behind-the-scenes lowdown with his daily Wahoo Gazette. So much juicy inside information that you'll say "Wahoo!"
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
THE WAHOO GAZETTE ARCHIVE Mike McIntee's popular Wahoo Gazette is archived here in the aptly- named Wahoo Gazette Archive. You can search by date, keyword, or show number, or even Dave's tie pattern (coming June 2012).
Monday, December 18, 2006
Top Ten Miss USA Excuses
"Thought a slutty Miss USA could help make America
popular again"
"Haven't been myself since I heard Rumsfeld was retiring"
"Cracked under the pressure of having to smile and
wave at people for a year"
"Russians drugged my sushi"
"If a hot babe can't get drunk, sleep around and make
out with her female roommate, the terrorists have won"
"I told them my talent was 'beer pong'"
"It's Isiah Thomas' fault"
"Too drunk to think of a number 3"
"Wanted to skip straight to the has-been portion of
my career"
"Why should Paris Hilton get all the 'drunken whore' ink?"
·
"Auditioning to be the third Bush twin"
·
"I was loopy on Trump's hairspray"
·
"Thought a 'martini' was one of them crazy Starbucks drinks"
·
"Thought Miss USA was required to have sex with every
American citizen"
·
"Trying to raise awareness for my favorite cause: Whores"
·
"Need help getting through long day of promoting
Trump cologne and loose slot machines"
·
"Thought one of my duties was binge drinking"
·
"Tiara cut off circulation to brain"
Kevin James Weighs In Funny guy Kevin James talks about his efforts to lose pounds.
